15 Ways to Give Your “Parts” Compassion and Love After a Breakup
Talk to your parts out loud or in writing.
Say: “Hey, I see you’re hurting. You don’t have to figure this out alone. I’m here.”
Direct communication builds trust with your inner system.Picture your hurting part as a younger version of you.
Maybe they’re 6 or 15. Visualize them sitting next to you. Imagine holding their hand, wrapping them in a blanket, or offering them a warm drink.Place your hand on the part of your body where you feel the sadness.
Breathe into it and say softly in your mind: “This is allowed. You’re allowed to feel this.”Make your inner world cozy for your parts.
Create an imagined safe place—a beach, treehouse, or cozy room—where hurt parts can rest and be nurtured.Give them a break from carrying the burden.
Ask: “What are you afraid would happen if you stopped holding this pain?”
Then say: “You don’t have to hold it all the time. Let me help.”Let them pick a comfort ritual.
Maybe a movie you watched as a kid, your favorite childhood cereal, or coloring while wrapped in a fuzzy blanket. Let the part choose.Draw your part.
Even a simple stick figure. Give it a name. Ask: “What do you need from me right now?”Speak to them like you would a small child.
Example: “You didn’t deserve that. You were doing your best. I’m proud of how much you loved.”Set boundaries for them.
If a part keeps scrolling your ex’s social media or ruminating, step in as the Self and say: “You don’t have to go through this again and again. Let me take care of you.”Write a bedtime story for your hurting part.
One where they are protected, seen, and chosen. Read it before bed like a lullaby.Record a voice memo of your compassionate self speaking to them.
Play it when the grief feels too loud. Let your own voice soothe the ache.Buy something small just for them.
A candle, stuffed animal, journal, or cozy hoodie. Say, “This is for you, because I care about your pain.”Let them be angry or dramatic without judgment.
Say: “You’re allowed to be mad. You’re allowed to feel everything fully. I’m not leaving you.”Create a mantra your part can hold on to.
Something like:
“You are not the reason they left.”
“You are worthy of love that stays.”
“I won’t abandon you.”
15. Invite your part to rest.
Say: “You’ve been working so hard. You don’t need to protect me in this way anymore. You can rest now. I’ve got us.”
These practices don’t have to be long or perfect—just real. Your parts don’t need you to fix them, they just need to feel that you care.
Hi! I’m Nicole Licensed Therapist in California.
I specialize in working with adult wanting to improve their relationships, need support through a breakup, or heal their trauma, using Attachment-Focused EMDR and IFS-informed therapy.
