The Healing Power of Pen & Paper After a Breakup
Breakups can feel like emotional earthquakes—sudden, jarring, and leaving behind a pile of rubble you’re not quite sure how to sift through. When the dust settles, one of the most grounding, insightful things you can do is write.
Not type. Not just think through it. Write. With a pen. On paper.
I always suggest journaling as part of the healing process after a breakup, and I highly recommend doing it with an actual notebook and pen. There’s something powerful—almost sacred—about the physical act of putting your thoughts down on paper. Unlike venting to a friend or ruminating in your mind, journaling slows you down, gets the swirling thoughts out of your head, and creates clarity. It’s a safe space where all parts of you—your grief, your anger, your confusion, your hope—can land without judgment.
Why Pen and Paper?
Typing in the notes app might be convenient, but your phone is full of distractions. Writing by hand encourages deeper emotional processing. Studies in cognitive neuroscience have shown that handwriting activates regions of the brain associated with memory, regulation, and meaning-making. In fact, expressive writing has been shown to reduce stress, improve immune function, and even help people recover from trauma (Pennebaker & Beall, 1986).
When you use a pen, you slow down. You access parts of the brain that help organize thoughts and feelings more clearly. You're not performing for anyone—you're reflecting. You're not just venting—you're discovering.
What to Journal About After a Breakup
You don’t need to write a novel. You don’t even need to write every day. What matters is that you show up honestly. Journaling after a breakup can help you reflect on the relationship with clarity and compassion—toward yourself and your past partner.
Here are some journal prompts I recommend to get you started:
Identifying Relationship Patterns
What qualities do I tend to be drawn to in partners, and how have they served me—or not?
Is there a common theme in how my relationships have ended?
Have I ever found myself attracted to the same type of dynamic, even if it wasn’t healthy?
Boundaries, Needs, and Communication
When did I ignore or downplay my own boundaries in this relationship?
What emotional needs felt consistently unmet, and did I ever express them clearly?
How do I typically communicate during conflict? Does that change depending on how safe I feel?
Self-Reflection & Growth
Did I ever abandon parts of myself to maintain the relationship?
What part of me was most activated (triggered) during this breakup, and why?
In what ways did I show up well in this relationship? What am I proud of?
Looking Forward
What do I want to do differently in my next relationship?
How will I know I’m ready to open up again?
What kind of love am I choosing to make space for?
Journaling doesn’t fix the pain overnight, but it helps you move through it with more awareness and intention. It creates room for insight, clarity, and eventually—peace.
So go grab a pen. Let your feelings pour out in messy, raw, honest words. This is your space to rewrite the narrative and return to yourself.
You’re not just healing. You’re becoming.
Hi! I’m Nicole, Licensed Therapist in Long Beach, California.
I specialize in relationship and attachment issues, breakups, and relational trauma. I used EMDR and IFS (parts work) to help people resolve deeper wounds, learn self-compassion and become glowing with confidence!
BONUS
If you are working with a therapist, bring your journal to your session! It will be so helpful, and if I was your therapist, it would help me to identify some potential targets for EMDR that we should pay attention to in order to do the deeper healing you’ve needed your whole life! If you’re interested in working with me, start by scheduling a free introductory call!
