Why Staying Busy After a Breakup Might Be Hurting Your Healing
You’ve just ended a relationship. Your calendar fills overnight—dinners with friends, extra work hours, maybe even a shiny new dating app profile. You tell yourself, “I’m fine, I’m moving on.”
But here’s the thing: staying busy isn’t always the same as healing.
In fact, constantly moving can keep you from feeling the emotions that actually help you recover and is actually an avoidant strategy. And if you are hoping to one day be in a secure, healthy relationship, then it’s time to realize that when we skip that part, the unprocessed hurt tends to sneak into the next chapter—showing up as trust issues, fear of closeness, or even picking similar partners again.
So what can you do if you’re the kind of person who avoids sitting with your feelings? Here are a few ways to start gently inviting them in:
1. Create a Pause Window
Before you line up new dates or fill every night with plans, take 2–4 weeks just for you. Go on a solo coffee date, take walks without your phone, or spend a slow morning making breakfast in pajamas. These moments make space for feelings to surface without forcing them.
2. Let Music Do the Talking
Build playlists that capture grief, anger, relief, and hope. Spend a few minutes listening without distractions—notice what comes up in your body and mind.
3. Write the Letter You’ll Never Send
Pour your unfiltered thoughts into a letter to your ex or your past self. You don’t have to send it—it’s about releasing what you’ve been carrying.
4. Map the Relationship
Draw a simple timeline marking the highs, lows, and turning points. Add in the feelings you had but didn’t express at the time.
5. Practice Stillness
Even five minutes of no screens, no music, no to-dos can reveal what’s beneath the busyness.
Healing after a breakup isn’t about wallowing—it’s about giving yourself permission to slow down long enough to listen to what your heart has been trying to say. When you make that space, you’re not just moving on—you’re moving forward.
Hi! I’m Nicole, Licensed Therapist practicing in Long Beach, CA.
I specialize in EMDR and IFS for relational and sexual trauma, recurrent depression, breakups, attachment issues, and dating problems offering in person in Long Beach or virtual across California.
