What to Do If Your Partner Is Suicidal: A Guide for Suicide Awareness Month
Loving someone who’s struggling with suicidal thoughts can feel overwhelming and scary. You might notice changes in their mood, wonder how to bring it up, or fear that asking about it could make things worse. The truth is—talking about it directly and with care can make all the difference.
This Suicide Awareness Month, I want to share some guidance on how to recognize warning signs, start the conversation, and support your partner if they’re in crisis.
Signs Your Partner May Be Struggling
Everyone shows distress differently, but here are some signs to pay attention to:
What they say: Talking about wanting to die, feeling like a burden, or saying things like “What’s the point?”
Changes in behavior: Withdrawing from friends, losing interest in things they usually enjoy, giving away possessions, or showing sudden mood shifts.
Risk-taking: Using more alcohol or drugs, driving recklessly, or looking up ways to hurt themselves.
Shifts in daily life: Big changes in sleep, appetite, or energy.
If you notice these, it’s better to check in than to stay silent.
How to Start the Conversation
It’s easy to overthink what to say—but what matters most is that you’re real, caring, and direct. Here are some natural ways you might bring it up:
“I care about you a lot, and I know you’ve been going through so much. I just want to check in… have you had any suicidal thoughts?”
“You mean a lot to me, and I can see how hard things have been for you. I want to ask—have you been having thoughts about ending your life?”
“I know this might sound heavy, but I love you and I need to know… have you been thinking about suicide?”
As scary as it may feel, asking directly won’t put the idea in their head—it shows them you’re not afraid to hold space for their truth.
If They Say “Yes”
Hearing this can be heavy, but it’s important to stay calm and open. You don’t need to fix it in that moment—just listen and let them know you’re there.
You can respond with things like:
“Thank you for telling me. I’m glad you trusted me with this.”
“I’m here with you. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
“Would you feel okay if we call a therapist or hotline together?”
If they tell you they have a plan or you think they’re in immediate danger, it’s time to call 911 or take them to the nearest ER.
If They Say “No”
Even if they say no, it doesn’t mean your question was wrong. You’ve opened a door. You can still respond with:
“I want you to know you can be honest with me anytime.”
“Thanks for letting me ask—I just care about you and want to make sure you’re okay.”
If They Don’t Want to Talk
Sometimes they might shut down or say, “I don’t want to talk about it.” You can gently reply with:
“That’s okay. I just want you to know I care, and I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
“I won’t push, but I’m here whenever you want to talk.”
If Your Partner Refuses Help
It’s frustrating and scary when someone admits they’re struggling but doesn’t want support. Here are some things you can do:
Stay compassionate, but clear: “I hear that you don’t want to reach out right now, but I believe you deserve support. I’ll keep encouraging you because your life matters.”
Offer smaller steps: Suggest calling a hotline together, talking to a trusted friend, or even just going to a doctor’s appointment.
Know your limits: You can’t be their therapist or savior. Your role is to care and connect them to resources—not to carry it all alone.
Act in an emergency: If you believe they are in immediate danger, you may need to call 911 or a crisis line even if they don’t want you to.
When Suicide Threats Are Used in a Relationship
Some people feel trapped in relationships because their partner says things like, “If you leave me, I’ll kill myself.”
If this is your situation, please know:
You are not responsible for their choices. You can care deeply, but their safety is not yours to control.
Take comments seriously, but don’t give in to coercion. Involve professionals—call 988 or local emergency services if needed.
Set boundaries with compassion: “I care about you and I want you to get help. I can’t be your only lifeline, but I’ll support you in finding people who can.”
Reach out to their support network. If you’re breaking up and worried about their safety, let someone close to them (like a trusted family member or friend) know your concerns so they can check in and offer support.
Don’t stay in a relationship out of fear. Real love cannot be built on threats. If you’re feeling stuck, seek support for yourself too.
Resources to Share
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.): Call or text 988
Crisis Text Line: Text HELLO to 741741
Encourage your partner to reach out to a trusted therapist, doctor, or mentor
Final Note
If your partner is suicidal, you don’t have to have all the right words or solutions. What matters most is your presence, your honesty, and your willingness to connect them to support. And if you’re the one feeling stuck or unsafe, please remember that your well-being matters too.
Hi! I’m Nicole, Licensed Therapist in California.
I specialize in working with adults going through the most painful parts of their relationship.
I use modern therapy approaches such as EMDR, IFS and attachment theory to truly help people heal and thrive!
