Is Venting After a Breakup Keeping You Stuck?

Ok so there are 3 types of people I’ve noticed in my experience as a therapist. One that needs to vent about the bad things that happen, one that keeps it all in and doesn’t tell a soul, and the last type vents to a couple trusted friends then feels relief. But what happens when you’re the 2nd type? And after a breakup, venting feels like oxygen.

You replay the story with friends.
You analyze every text, every tone shift, every red flag you ignored.
You repeat the same statements over and over (I was discarded, I can’t believe I trusted them, they betrayed me), hoping that this time it will finally click and something will feel better.

And to be clear—venting isn’t bad.
In fact, it can be incredibly helpful… to a degree.

But for many people, venting becomes the thing that keeps them emotionally tethered long after the relationship has ended.

Let’s talk about why.

Why Venting Feels So Good (At First)

Venting helps because it:

• Releases pent-up emotion

• Makes you feel seen and validated

• Helps you organize what happened

• Reassures you that you weren’t “crazy” or “too much”

Especially after a breakup, venting can calm your nervous system temporarily. It’s a way your body says, “I need support.”

And that part is healthy.

But the problem isn’t venting itself—it’s what happens when venting becomes the main way you’re coping.

When Venting Turns Into Emotional Stuckness

At a certain point, venting stops being a release and starts becoming a loop.

You might notice:

• You feel momentarily better… then worse again

• You’re exhausted from thinking about them all the time

• You keep asking, “Why am I not over this yet?”

• You don’t even want your ex back—but you still feel attached

• You’ve talked it to death, but nothing actually shifts

This happens because venting keeps the story in the thinking part of your brain, while breakups live in the emotional and nervous system part.

You’re processing cognitively—but your body is still holding the attachment.

Attachment Doesn’t Break With Insight Alone

This is especially true if you have an anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment style.

Attachment isn’t logical.
It doesn’t respond to reminders of why they were wrong for you.
It doesn’t care that “it wasn’t a good relationship.”

Attachment lives in:

• Memory

• Sensation

• Emotional learning

• The nervous system

So while venting helps you understand the breakup, it doesn’t always help you detach from it.

That’s why people often say:

“I know it’s over… I just can’t feel free.”

Why You’re So Tired

Many people come to me saying:

• “I’m emotionally exhausted.”

• “I’m sick of thinking about them.”

• “I just want peace.”

• “I don’t even miss them—I miss how I felt.”

That exhaustion is a sign that your system is ready for something deeper than talking.

It’s not that you haven’t tried hard enough.
It’s that you’ve been trying to heal an attachment wound with tools that only work at the surface.

How Attachment-Focused EMDR Intensives Help

This is where attachment-focused EMDR intensives can be incredibly powerful.

Instead of retelling the story over and over, EMDR works with:

• The emotional charge still tied to your ex

• The moments your body hasn’t let go of

• The part of you that bonded, hoped, waited, and loved

In an intensive, we gently target:

• Why the attachment still feels alive

• Why your nervous system hasn’t released

• Why your heart hasn’t caught up to your mind

Clients often say:

• “I finally feel detached.”

• “I’m not triggered anymore.”

• “I feel lighter—like something let go.”

• “I can think about them without spiraling.”

Not because we erased the relationship—but because your system no longer needs to hold onto it.

You’re Not Broken—You’re Just Ready for a Different Kind of Healing

If you’ve vented.
If you’ve processed.
If you’ve talked it through a hundred times—
and you’re still tired, stuck, and wondering if you’ll ever fully move on…

That’s not a failure.
It’s information.

It may be time to stop retelling the story—and start releasing the attachment.

And you don’t have to do that alone 💙

Hi! I’m Nicole, Licensed Therapist in California.

If you’re exhausted of being heartbroken, or worry you’ll never get over your ex, or trust again! Let’s work together!